国外也有段子手：选择路易斯还是穆斯塔菲？

小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷，曼城意外输给诺维奇，利物浦继续取胜领跑，巴萨、皇马、切尔西等球队也都顺利取胜，而阿森纳、拜仁和马竞等球队则纷纷丢分。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们精彩吐槽吧！

领先两球遭扳平，阿森纳2-2沃特福德

Cheetos4You(阿森纳球迷)：我的人生本来有很多选择，可我却选择了当阿森纳球迷。(i had one chance at life and I became an Arsenal fan.)

VasiliiZaytsev(阿森纳球迷)：大卫-路易斯这是要让我们丢多少分？要不还是让穆斯塔菲首发吧…(How many points is Luiz going to cost us this season? Might as well just go back to starting Mustafi.)

NB0608sd(切尔西球迷)：嫌疑犯路易斯的献身。(Secret agent Luiz.)

MountainJuice(阿森纳球迷)：还有那么多的阿森纳球迷喜欢扎卡，这一定是斯德哥尔摩综合征的最大患者群体了。(Plenty of Arsenal fans rate Xhaka. Must be a collective form of Stockholm syndrome.)

PrincipledInelegance(利物浦球迷)：阿森纳就像是2017年的利物浦一样：面对中下游球队早早就取得领先，对方高空轰炸的时候就开始龟缩防守，结果最后被对方一年都进不了球的弱鸡球员给扳平了…(Arsenal feels like watching 2017 Liverpool. Get into a comfortable lead away at a bottom-half team. Start defending as if air raid sirens are going off. Concede an equaliser to a player with shit hair who hasn't scored in about a year.)

intecknicolour (利物浦球迷)：总结起来就是法拉利的锋线、雷诺的中场、拉达汽车的防守…就像我们以前一样。(basically ferrari attack, renault midfield, lada defence. like we used to be.)

ExcellentFinMoSalah1(利物浦球迷)：阿森纳让德乌洛费乌看起来就像08年的C罗一样了…(Arsenal have made Deulofeu look like 2008 Cristiano Ronaldo here.)

Idontlikethisstuff(阿森纳球迷)：就算我们上了10个后卫再加上莱诺，估计还是守不住一场零封…(We could with play 10 defenders and Leno and we still wouldn't keep a clean sheet.)

Sageadam(未知主队球迷)：如果可以的话，阿森纳这场比赛应该得负分。(Arsenal deserves negative points from this game if it's possible.)

德容法蒂苏神进球，巴萨5-2瓦伦西亚

Keithohara(切尔西球迷)：16岁就在诺坎普进球了？这剧本以前好像看过耶！(16 year old scores at Camp Nou? i've seen this before.)

ragdoll96(巴萨球迷)：等他19岁踢皇马的时候，让我们看看接下来会发生什么。(We'll find out when he's 19 and plays a game vs Real Madrid.)

Michealson12(切尔西球迷)：现在我还在为考试优秀而努力，而16岁的法蒂已经为巴萨进球了…不过我觉得自己的生活也挺有意义的。(While I’m studying for my A-levels, this 16 year old is out here scoring goals for Barcelona. Still think I’m living the life to be honest.)

MarcSlayton(利物浦球迷)：内马尔已经改变想回归巴萨的想法了，因为他不愿意生活在法蒂的阴影之下！(Neymar has apparently changed his mind about returning to Barca. He doesn't want to be overshadowed by Fati.)

Sempelle(皇马球迷)：要是法蒂真成了巴萨另一个梅西，我特么就再也不看足球了！(If they found another Messi in this fati I am fucking done with this sport.)

flae99(皇马球迷)：亲爱的巴萨，可不可以在我们丢分的时候你也输球，就像我们上赛季对你们做的那样好么？爱你的皇马。(Dear Barca, Kindly drop points after all those times we dropped points for you last season. Much love, Real Madrid.)

Lokeshj(巴萨球迷)：我都快忘了对面门将是西莱森了，对他进这么多球让我有点伤心…(Totally forgot that was Cillesen. Makes me a bit sad now to score so many against him.)

GreatGIL(未知主队球迷)：皮克还没退役呢，拜仁球迷竟然还敢号称莱万是第一前锋？(Bayern fans still trying to claim Lewa is the best striker in the world when Pique is still playing?)

Artuhanzo(巴萨球迷)：当然，就只算为拜仁进球的前锋里也是皮克最强！(Yes, best striker scored for Bayern too...)

逆转取胜，利物浦3-1纽卡斯尔

Giddycocks(本菲卡球迷)：每次镜头拍到菲尔米诺的大牙，我就得把屏幕的亮度调低才行。(had to put my screen brightness down after that shot of Firminos teeth.)

Pingreen(利物浦球迷)：菲尔米诺那如丝般顺滑的传球都能渗透到第51区！(Firmino could infiltrate Area 51 with a silky pass.)

GuyFawkes_fieri(利物浦球迷)：我想看看这场比赛范戴克在对方禁区和在我们禁区的总时间对比…(I’d like to see a stat on how long Virgil has been in Newcastle’s box compared to our half.)

zagreus9(未知主队球迷)：上次利物浦在英超主场输球的时候，萨拉赫还在罗马踢球呢！(Last time Liverpool lost at Anfield in the league Salah still played for Roma.)

Sidaeinjae(韩国球迷)：这赛季利物浦和曼城的争冠大战又有看头了！(It'll be fun to see Liverpool and City duke it out again this season.)

Darkspy8183(利物浦球迷)：明明是利物浦VS诺维奇好吧！(Fuck that, Liverpool v Norwich.)

意外输球，曼城2-3诺维奇

Cosy4eva(未知主队球迷)：这是诺维奇为感谢利物浦卖掉苏亚雷斯而送上的贺礼！(This is Norwich's way of thanking Liverpool for letting Suarez leave.)

chess-gets-girls(诺维奇球迷)：我是诺维奇球迷，我老爹是利物浦球迷，我的中间名就叫“安菲尔德”，现在我真的想哭！(I'm a Norwich fan with a Liverpool dad, my middle name is literally Anfield. I feel like crying.)

Umbricon(未知主队球迷)：奥塔门迪，欢迎加盟贝西克塔斯！(Nicolas Otamendi, welcome to Besiktas.)

CreeperDude17(波特兰伐木者球迷)：克鲁尔以后再去利物浦喝酒的时候，估计一分钱都不用付了！(Krul shouldn’t have to pay for a pint in Liverpool ever again.)

Darvos83(阿斯顿维拉球迷)：英冠冠军战胜了英超冠军，看来英冠才是英格兰的第一联赛！(Champions of the Championship beat the champions of the Premier League. Championship is the best league in England confirmed.)

3359N(未知主队球迷)：我还挺希望曼城在补时最后踢进扳平的一球，然后再被VAR给取消掉…(Was really hoping for a City injury time equaliser ruled out through VAR but I suppose this'll do.)

Capicolasalami(曼联球迷)：今夜我们都是诺维奇球迷！(We are all norwich fans on this blessed day.)

MoBiano2(未知主队球迷)：那曼城和利物浦，你想选哪个当联赛冠军呢？(So what’s your choice between city and Liverpool to lift the title?)

PixHitch(未知主队球迷)：曼城要加入阿森纳、热刺、曼联和切尔西的争四大军啦！(City has joined the Arsenal, Spurs, ManU and Chelsea top 4 battle.)

Rocketteman(纽卡斯尔球迷)：我知道曼城的平均身高不突出，但让斯特林和阿圭罗去防守角球是不是有点…(I know Man City aren't the tallest team, but should Sterling and Aguero really be on the front post at corners?)

本泽马梅开，皇马3-2莱万特

notfromrussia123(皇马球迷)：本泽马和J罗给力的表现，仿佛让我回到了2015年，只是队里的一位葡萄牙球员不在了。(With Benz and James playing well i almost feel like its 2015. There is just a certain Portuguese missing.)

Bolah(皇马球迷)：算上今晚的助攻，J罗这赛季的助攻数已经和伊斯科上赛季总数持平了！(With this assist James has already given as many assists as Isco last season.)

feedmekn0wledge(未知主队球迷)：本泽马和贝尔受到这么多非议，结果现在却是队里仅有的得分突破点…(funny how Benzema and Bale get so much shit yet they're the only 2 goal scoring threats in the team.)

GoodSamaritan_(塞维利亚球迷)：哈哈，莱万特的两粒进球竟然都是皇马青训打进的…(Both of Levante's goals were from Real Madrid academy products lol.)

拉什福德进球，曼联1-0莱斯特城

Thefacelessvoice(曼联球迷)：我们是不是已经平了去年零封场次的纪录了？(Matched our clean sheet record from last season?)

redemption_time(尤文球迷)：当曼联踢莱斯特城的时候，老舒梅切尔到底该支持哪一边呢？(Who does Peter Schmeichel support when United and Leicester play?)

亚伯拉罕戴帽，切尔西5-2狼队

gapim97(切尔西球迷)：亚伯拉罕是我车继德罗巴之后的最强9号！(Tammy is the 9 we were waiting since Drogba.)

dunneetiger(切尔西球迷)：德罗巴穿的不是9号啊…(Drogba was never 9...)

SinisterZzz(切尔西球迷)：快来人打我一拳！让我确认下自己是不是在做梦…(Someone please pinch me dont know if i am awake.)

roryking97(切尔西球迷)：看着这些青训小将们的精彩表现，我笑的就像一位骄傲的父亲一样。(I feel like a proud dad watching these academy boys show up for us.)

WateryIcedCoffee(未知主队球迷)：现在兰帕德就是我爹！(Lampard is my dad now.)

Dunneetiger(切尔西球迷)：若日尼奥给狼队的传球真不错，就像是在为狼队踢球一样呢！(Jorginho has been passing to Wolves like he plays for them...)

厄德高进球，马竞0-2皇家社会

R_Chambers(曼联球迷)：皇家马德里送来问候。(real madrid send their regards.)

Mandragora1234(未知主队球迷)：所以今年是没人想赢西甲冠军了？(So no one wants to win La Liga this year?)

莱万进球，拜仁1-1RB莱比锡

BestSingedHawa(拜仁球迷)：1-1那就是多特赢了。(1-1 and Dortmund wins.)

Lbjdaking(拜仁球迷)：在得势不得分这方面，拜仁可以写一本畅销书了。(Bayern could write a bestseller book about giving away comfortable games.)

Bric-dA-K1nG(未知主队球迷)：那书的男主角得是蒂亚戈吧！(With Thiago as the protagonist.)

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。本周，精彩的欧冠赛事即将开战，让我们拭目以待，来看下期更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧！