国外也有段子手：利物浦化身曼市城管；阿森纳打翻了保温杯

小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！本周又到了我们熟悉的冬窗转会期，库蒂尼奥选择加盟巴萨；而在比赛方面，皇马和切尔西以及阿森纳都翻了船，而曼城和巴萨继续延续了他们的好状态，拜仁则在J罗的带领下取得了胜利。好了，话不多说，让我们赶紧看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

利物浦4-3送曼城英超首败，比赛过程如旋转过山车

Goofygoober2(利物浦球迷)：数百万利物浦球迷放下了手中紧握的速效救心丸。(MILLIONS OF LIVERPOOL FANS UNCLENCH IN RELIEF)

以稳固的防守赢下一场比赛？不存在的，我要7-6！

ddy_stop_plz(利物浦球迷)：你永远不会独自犯心脏病(You will never clench alone)

BreakinBiscuits(未知主队球迷)：哈哈哈瓜秃现在只领先15分了，真菜！(Hahahaha that bald fraud Pep with only a 15 point lead)

PM_UR_BOSOM(利物浦球迷)：连不败夺冠都做不到！(Can't even win the league unbeaten)

Pr0x3(PSV球迷)：瓜秃下课！(Sack him. Clearly does not know wtf he is doing.)

Ferqal(利物浦球迷)：我们差点被扳平了哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈(We almost blew it hahahaha)

Crypt0x(曼联球迷)：这他妈的才叫做足球！(What a fucking incredible game of football)

AlphaMaleBale(阿尔阿赫利球迷)：开罗人民告诉你，开罗已经万人空巷了！(PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY CHEERING OUTSIDE HERE IN CAIRO)

ykeloy(切尔西球迷)：以后就把梅西叫阿根廷萨拉赫吧！(Messi shall henceforth be known as Argentinian Salah)

jeevesyboi(西布朗球迷)：听说3球领先是最危险的？(They say a 3 goal lead is the most dangerous)

HUGE_HOG(利物浦球迷)：废话，我们他妈的可是利物浦啊！(Of course it did we're fucking Liverpool)

阿森纳1-2负伯恩茅斯……实在不知道说什么了

Break2n(英格兰球迷)：简直把阿森纳这个段子推向高潮！跪求现在官宣桑切斯！(Absolute peak banter. Just announce Sanchez now)

_skywlkr(阿森纳球迷)：呵呵你们这帮人能想象身为阿森纳球迷是什么样的感受吗？？？(Lol imagine supporting arsenal)

cuntdestroyer1897(米兰球迷)：试试米兰也行(Or Milan)

jgmcelwain(热刺球迷)：想把这场比赛注入我的血液里(inject this into my fucking veins)

Gunners4ever(阿森纳球迷)：我们就是屎(we're fucking shit.)

PM_ME_UR_HEDGEHOGS(阿森纳球迷)：在这个世界，你要么像弗格森一样光荣隐退，要么就苟延残喘到堕落成温格的样子。(You either go out a Sir Alex Ferguson or you live long enough to become an Arsene Wenger)

巴萨4-2客胜皇家社会打破阿诺埃塔魔咒，苏牙两球梅西任意球世界波

Doxqwae(巴萨球迷)：巴尔韦德，赛季最佳引援！(Valverde is the signing of the season)

YoSoyMilkChocolate(西班牙人球迷)：皇马球迷们，欢迎来到另一个世界！(COME TO THE DARK SIDE, MADRIDISTA)

oswaldthatendswell(巴萨球迷)：保利尼奥，神秘的华夏力量打破了诅咒！(Paulinho was brought in from China to break the curse)

thoth2(巴萨球迷)：那个无所不能的苏亚雷斯的回来了！(Peak Suarez is back boys)

K4ntum(皇马球迷)：谁能告诉C罗让他也赶紧回来啊？(haha someone tell cristiano surely any day now right)

kasparppp(巴萨球迷)：魔咒退散！(FUCK THE CURSE)

ceeduu(巴萨球迷)：这球(梅西任意球)下降的速度简直比皇马还快！(My god the ball dipped faster than Madrid’s form)

jon_targareyan(巴萨球迷)：看到了吗，只要维尔马伦上场我们就不会输！大祭司>阿诺埃塔(I’m now a complete believer in the fact that when Vermalean plays, we don’t lose. Vermalean blessing> Anoeta vudu.)

1.4亿，库蒂尼奥加盟巴萨

break2n(英格兰球迷)：就算他加盟了，我们是不是还得看到这些帖子？(Do we continue Coutinho to Barca rumour threads anyway out of tradition?)

steven19782012(利物浦球迷)：我们已经看不上南安普顿了，下一个目标就是凯恩。有钱，硬气。(We've moved on from Southampton. Were gonna buy shares in Harry Kane.)

josson_mg(皇马球迷)：最起码，我们不用成天看那些库蒂尼奥去哪里的帖子了，还是不错的。(i'm glad that at least we're not gonna see the "coutinho to barcelona" threads once every 10 minutes from now on.)

johnsom3(曼联球迷)：是啊，都变成利物浦会买谁的帖子了。(They will be replaced by threads about Liverpool signing a replacement. )

evelb(未知主队球迷)：现在看来，游戏里的转会价格都比现实中的真实，这个世界真是奇妙。(It's weird how FIFA transfer fees seem more realistic than reality now.)

danskzwag(曼联球迷)：然而红军还有爱沙尼亚铁卫克拉万，我相信大家都知道谁才是最后的赢家。(Liverpool still have Klavan , I know who the real winners see.)

14CFC15-15CFC16(莱斯特城球迷)：库蒂尼奥将会成为自1989-90赛季以来，第一位曾为利物浦出场最后在本赛季赢得联赛冠军的球员。(Coutinho will be the first player to start a season with Liverpool and win the league title since the 89/90 season. 

sam3123(斯托克城球迷)：因此我觉得大家都可以理解他想离队，但他的做法真的不能令人恭维。(You can understand why he wants go, he's just handled it like a twat.)

new1sh_old1sh(切尔西球迷)：2026年的懂球帝：6亿英镑，麦克加夫要去尤文。(It is the year 2026.Charles McGawf moves from Manchester United to Juventus for £600m + shipping )

cluesamericano(巴萨球迷)：下一步，格列兹曼。(Now griezeman rumors)

sdub3(布赖顿球迷)：1.42亿英镑，可能够南安普顿花一阵子的。(£142m goes a long way in Southampton.)

阿森纳2-4不敌诺丁汉森林，止步足总杯第三轮，理察伊世界波

J_A_Y_x(阿森纳球迷)：我们能重来这场比赛么。(RESTART THE MATCH)

stalkerSRB(未知球队球迷)：使用SL大法即可。(Load last save)

murphmobile(曼联球迷)：本场比赛过后，诺丁汉森林领先阿森纳两球，以及两座欧洲冠军杯。(Nottingham Forest are up 2 goals and 2 European cups on Arsenal.)

fightmeirl696969 (美国球迷)：现在理查伊就等着世界杯的召唤了。(just in time for that world cup call up)

GordoPepe (曼联球迷)：不过美国这次分到I组，签运不是太好。(Tough draw for USA tho)

SupaWillis (利物浦球迷)：尽管跟意大利和荷兰分到了一组，但我们相信他们一定会出线的！ (Gonna be tough to make it with Netherlands and Italy in the group, but I'm confident we can squeak out!)

Arbiter_6(阿森纳球迷)：如果我不是个阿森纳球迷的话，那么他们的比赛确实是挺好玩的，但是..(I feel like Arsenal matches would be so much more fun to watch if I wasn't an Arsenal supporter.)

omgahippy (埃弗顿球迷)：穆特萨克的庆祝动作就是比平常跑得快一点，哈哈哈。(Mertesacker celebration is just him running slightly faster than normal lol)

karskinsquad (曼联球迷)：我们又能看到ATV两位老哥纯正的吐槽了。(Arsenal fan tv is gonna be lit.)

omgahippy (阿森纳球迷)：老天为什么受伤的总是我们。(WHY)

thoth2(巴萨球迷)：阿森纳居然打翻了保温杯。(Damn Arsenal lost the Arsenal Cup) 

表现不佳，皇马主场遭黄潜绝杀

Touchd93(皇马球迷)：加载七月份的存档，谢谢。(Load save from July please)

JuanG12(巴萨球迷)：我快高潮了。(I'm almost there. )

ExplosiveEjacutate(曼联球迷)：保利尼奥本赛季的联赛进球数是C罗的两倍，这样是不是能让你更开心一点？(Paulinho has scored nearly double the amount of league goals as Ronaldo this season. Did that help?)

Zemblboi(皇马球迷)：万年不变的传中，哎。(Carvajal \> Modric \> Kroos \> Marcelo (\> Asensio) \> Cross \> REPEAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN)

nitrosGG(皇马球迷)：我已经麻木了，甚至还有点想笑。(Can't say im surprised)

ColombiaNaziWeedPope(巴萨球迷)：切里舍夫的表现依旧是那么出色。(注：切里舍夫之前在皇马效力时因违规上场导致皇马被从国王杯淘汰。)(Agent Cherychev still doing well i see. ?)

The_Backseatman(利物浦球迷)： 对不起皇马，但我觉得萨拉赫下赛季还是想踢欧冠的。(Sorry Madrid, I think Salah wants to play in the CL next season..)

DarkSofter(皇马球迷)：你们要知道，老佛爷可是好久没有体会过炒别人鱿鱼的快感了哦。(Daddy Flo is itchy hasnt sacked someone for a long time.)

Duskwen12(热刺球迷)：这样看起来，我们对皇马的胜利也没有那么的牛逼。(I'm beginning to think that maybe our results against them wasn't  that impressive )

惊险胜利，曼城2-1绝杀英冠球队

tehchosenwon (利物浦球迷)：在车上听的现场直播，那个主持人的语气可能是我听过最失落的。(Listening to this in my car with the talksport app. Never heard a more disappointed commentator.)

red157 (布里斯托城球迷)：我对小伙子们的表现非常骄傲，我们踢出了美丽的足球，我们离胜利就差那么一点点。(Still couldn't be prouder of my team. We played some beautiful football and almost got a result.)

Geogrecuz(利物浦球迷)：曼城老哥，求求你们了，给我们留一条生路吧。(please stop winning man city, it's not fun anymore.)

Titytaka(曼城球迷)：我不要。(no.)

Saywhatagain_(曼城球迷)：说实话，我自己都有点不好意思了。(i feel so dirty right now.)

Lustenberg (布里斯托城球迷)：球队的表现比我想的要好，我很开心。即使他们下半场把我们打爆了，我也不在乎，曼城可是欧洲最优秀的球队啊，可我们还是进了一个球。(This is more than I thought we'd achieve, so I'm happy. Even if they destroy us in the second half, I don't care. We scored a goal against the best team in Europe.)

状态不佳，切尔西战平十人莱斯特城

omegaxLOL(曼联球迷)：摩斯最后的那脚射门简直就是蓝军最近几周的缩影。(That Moses shot at the end really sums up Chelsea in the last few weeks.)

barce99 (巴萨球迷)：莫拉塔的背身技能点是不是一个都没点。(Is Morata capable of any sort of hold up play?)

Prithyi_05 (未知球队球迷)：自从孔蒂和穆帅打起嘴仗之后，蓝军的战绩为：2-2战平阿森纳；0-0战平诺维奇；0-0战平阿森纳；0-0战平莱斯特城。(Since Mourinho and Conte’s public spat:Arsenal 2-2 Chelsea；Norwich 0-0 Chelsea；Chelsea 0-0 Arsenal；Chelsea 0-0 Leicester)

Thelegend_99 (未知球队球迷): 穆里尼奥的心理战果然名不虚传。(M I N D   G A M E S)

Tiger1296(曼联球迷)：就连孔蒂的假发都比巴卡约克有用。(Things more useful than bakayoko: contes wig)

Bobskidat(未知球队球迷)：才拿一分，你们也太让我失望了，对吧莱斯特城？(I’m disappointed for Leicester to only have a point.)

Ben_would_burn (利物浦球迷)：我希望我的女朋友像莫拉塔一样，多走走下面。(I wish my girlfriend was like Moratta, always wanting to go down .)

blobturtle (利物浦球迷)：我们的红军什么时候才能像你们一样零封？('How can I make this about my team?')

巴萨5-0淘汰塞尔塔，梅西表现超神

deadlyfactor(巴萨球迷)：那脚传球也太秀了吧。(what is that pass)

xyzTrILL (切尔西球迷)：这就是一场视觉盛宴。(Orgasm to the eyes, that's what it is.)

doxqwae(巴萨球迷)：梅西求你不要离开我们，不要离开足球。(Messi please never retire)

delphinho (利兹联球迷)：梅西到了50岁还是能送出这样的传球，他的视野和技术能保持这一点，我认为他能想踢多久就踢多久。(These are the kind of things that make you think he could keep playing for as long as he wants. He'll be able to play passes like that when he's 50, it's just pure vision and technique.)

ImOnHD(巴萨球迷)：然而在fifa里，梅西的传球数值还没有帕耶高。(According to EA Payet is as good at passing as Messi.)

sinanalsaleem (巴萨球迷)：不知道为什么，5-0这个数字总是让我很开心。(Winning 5-0 always brings backs great memories)

Sempelle (皇马球迷)：你们为什么还要买库蒂尼奥啊？这简直就是虐杀。(Oh dear, why did they even buy Coutinho? It is gonna be overkill at this point.)

samtheblackmamba(皇马球迷)：梅西真的是谈笑间，樯橹灰飞烟灭。(Messi is literally destroying Celta while walking omg)

你怎不能泪流满面呢，亨利大帝经典进球六周年

Thoth2 (巴萨球迷)：酋长外的那座雕像，铭记的是亨利在阿森纳的一段岁月，那段时光，枪迷怎能不怀念呢。祝大帝福如东海，寿比南山。("He may be cast in bronze but he is still capable of producing truly golden moments".Long live the King)

AlexEdpidemic (阿森纳球迷)：亨利、快乐的温格、喝水尼、宋、阿尔沙文、阿尔特塔，想想都心痛啊。(Henry, a happy Wenger, Szczesny, Song, Arshavin, Arteta... Damn, makes my chest heavy.)

The-virgin-sangria(阿森纳球迷)：亨利进球之后我感动得都哭了，而现在的阿森纳也能让我哭，只不过是不同的原因罢了。(I remember I cried when Henry scored that. Now Arsenal makes me cry for different reasons)

Id3k (未知球队球迷)：亨利的那脚停球，你大爷还是你大爷。(The first touch on that heavy speedy pass. Class is permanent.)

拜仁3-1战胜勒沃库森，J罗任意球直接破门

rerescene(拜仁球迷)：我感觉J罗没怎么准备就把球射进去了。(Dude didn't even look like he was trying.)

kurzjacob(拜仁球迷)：这是我看到过最漂亮的任意球破门之一，所以我们赶紧买断J罗吧！(This is one of the most nonchalant free kicks I've ever seen.**BUY OPTION**)

TotalWankStain (皇马球迷)：J罗、莫拉塔、马里亚诺的表现都这么出色，然后我们排在联赛第四，哈哈哈...( hilarious seeing james, morata and mariano all doing relatively well while real madrid are fourth)

ColonelSandersOnAcid(拜仁球迷)：然而我们是用狗剩换到他的，为我其管理层打call。(We essentially traded Douglas Costa for this. Bayern’s board works wonders)

footysocc (德国球迷)：这也太漂亮了吧！(WHAT A BEAUTIE)

Hsjak500 (拜仁球迷)：其实这个进球也挺不错的，跟J罗一样帅气。(The goal was great too.)

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这里了。下周的精彩比赛依旧多多，让我们拭目以待，期待下周更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧